Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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