hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
