You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize