why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
