I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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