Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
