I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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