2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control should be required to get into college
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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