My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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