Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
