1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
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