If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
