Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
