Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
