Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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