big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
