Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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