i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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