Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
