Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
