so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
