i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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