Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
