Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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