Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
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I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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