I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
