I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
