I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
