i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
