He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
