It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
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I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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