i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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