I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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