The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
