Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
