you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
