Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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