he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
