Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so let's talk penis.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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