I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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