Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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