I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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