fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize