Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
