Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
