does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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