If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
