I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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