At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?