just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
