I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
