wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
