I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
