Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
