I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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