i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
