Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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