This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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