we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever