Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
