Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
