Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.

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  (207): using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code. http://tfl.nu/hjm4
  Replies (26) Good night (4328) Bad night (952)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.

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  (908): You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid. http://tfl.nu/9kqb
  Replies (5) Good night (535) Bad night (2750)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.

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  (+27): I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake. (+27): I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better. http://tfl.nu/rfir
  Replies (39) Good night (4178) Bad night (1553)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me

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  (443): I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me http://tfl.nu/rbbn
  Replies (21) Good night (863) Bad night (5032)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.

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  (609): He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies. http://tfl.nu/y08j
  Replies (5) Good night (740) Bad night (1207)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis

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  (310): I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis http://tfl.nu/97wg
  Replies (22) Good night (1984) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.

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  (319): I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/0zto
  Replies (16) Good night (962) Bad night (2287)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.

  (509): View more from Washington

  Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.

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  (509): I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream. (509): Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility. http://tfl.nu/ehsj
  Replies (3) Good night (928) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant

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  (614): Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant http://tfl.nu/jhvb
  Replies (3) Good night (952) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"

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  (716): you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee" http://tfl.nu/ycun
  Replies (1) Good night (417) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.

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  (813): Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick. http://tfl.nu/1ytv
  Replies (7) Good night (1445) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW

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  (+44): As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW http://tfl.nu/48d7
  Replies (8) Good night (773) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.

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  (727): I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade. http://tfl.nu/63zw
  Replies (2) Good night (803) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times

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  (602): Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times http://tfl.nu/cj8x
  Replies (0) Good night (437) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.

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  (720): Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying. http://tfl.nu/q0t7
  Replies (0) Good night (421) Bad night (165)

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