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The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
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