ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.

  Fav 39 2008 5142

  share tweet
  

• (863): View more from Florida

  I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.

  Fav 27 6241 902

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (410): View more from Maryland

  there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck

  Fav 18 3662 1145

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa

  Fav 13 3519 1442

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.

  Fav 10 3118 1034

  share tweet
  

• (917): View more from New York City

  hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  AMAZING.

  Fav 5 2509 1099

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (765): View more from Indiana

  Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99

  Fav 1 1343 1056

  share tweet
  

• (206): View more from Washington

  He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.

  (415): View more from California

  Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.

  Fav 10 4014 907

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.

  Fav 2 832 485

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (217): View more from Illinois

  Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.

  Fav 0 225 328

  share tweet
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.

  Fav 1 274 102

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (305): View more from Florida

  Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?

  Fav 0 167 79

  share tweet
  

• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.

  Fav 1 117 59

  share tweet
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.

  Fav 0 27 41

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (801): View more from Utah

  Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?

  Fav 2 57 13

  share tweet
  

Randomize